![]() Is it okay for me to grieve in front of my child? There was nothing anyone could do, and nobody was to blame.” It was a germ that made Daddy sick and stopped him breathing. You could ask: “Are you worried that Daddy has died because of anything you said or did?” Explain in simple terms what happened and reassure them that they are not to blame. Children of all ages may feel guilty, so check to see if they feel responsible in any way. Some children may worry that they said or did something that caused the death. Also be prepared for younger children to ask the same questions again and again, both at this moment and over the days and weeks to come.Ĭheck for any “magical” thinking. Young children may react by appearing not to listen. You will need to give children time to absorb this information. That means his body stopped working, and we won’t get to see him again.’ It can be hard for parents to use such direct language, but it’s important to be honest and transparent.” Lisa Damour recommends the following: “It’s more useful for adults to warmly and tenderly say: ‘I have some very sad news to share. Saying something like “we ‘lost’ someone” will further confuse a young child because they won’t understand what that means. Speak slowly and pause often, to give them time to understand, and to give yourself time to manage your own feelings.īe empathetic and be honest with children of all ages, but make sure to be especially clear with young children and do not include euphemisms. If it is a young child and they have a favourite object, toy or comforter they like to carry, let them have it. Try to find a safe and quiet place to speak to your children and think through what you are going to say. Telling your child what happened will also increase their trust in you and help them to better cope with the loss of their loved one. It is natural to want to protect your child, but it is best to be honest. The most important thing is not to hide the truth and not to delay the truth. How do I tell my child that their loved one has died? Children’s reactions will vary enormously depending on their age, their intellectual ability, their relationship with the person who died, how other family members are responding and the culture and society in which they live. Remember, there is no “correct” way to grieve, and no specific stages in which different emotions or behaviours should appear. Their reactions will vary and can include apathy, anger, extreme sadness and poor concentration. They are often interested in understanding why things happen. They may show their grief through anger and experience physical aches or pains.Īdolescents and young teenagers from around the age of 12 years understand that death is irreversible and happens to everyone, including themselves. They may start to ask more questions and want to understand what happened. Older children between the ages of 6 and 11 years start to understand that death is forever (though some 6-year-olds will still struggle with this concept) and may worry that other loved family members and friends will die. These behaviours are very common and will usually stop after a certain amount of time has passed. They may exhibit other behaviours such as clinging to their caregiver or show some regressive behaviours like wetting the bed. Small children under the age of 5 years often do not understand that death is permanent and may ask if the person who has died is coming back. All children are different, and the below examples of age-related responses can be applied to children of different ages and intellectual ability. What makes working through grief following a death so difficult is the process of realization and acceptance that this person is not going to come back.Ī child’s reaction to the death of a loved one will vary depending on their age and previous life experiences. Loss is usually associated with something that could come back while grief can be something more permanent, like divorce or the death of a friend or family member. Loss and grief can both have a significant effect on people psychologically. Here are some ways you can support them and things you can expect as they grieve. The death of a loved one is painful and complicated for adults, but for children facing a loss for the first time it can be as confusing as it is upsetting. ![]()
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